Friday, February 27, 2009

small thoughts

does steam from boiling water that you're cooking make your skin better?

what makes 11 tones over audible octaves so pleasurable?

who discovered hot oil plus anything edible equals good?

who thought up cards?

what makes contortionists so special?

why do people make viruses?

how are different cultures created?

why does everyone love social networking?

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

bands and bikes

itunes sometimes gets genius right. check out the sidebar to find three songs by a very promising band: a starlit drive.

go. now!

back? hear something different? thats right, female lead vocals. pretty awesome for this type of band. not different, just awesome. oh, and i could listen through the entire album without skips. thats how eerily close to underoath, coldplay, (kinda, i skip through soldier's poem).

*correction: apparently not a female lead vocalist. but he did a good job sounding like one.

anyways i've been listening on the way home from school while biking. highly dangerous (nearly ran into a van today), but still awesome. oh, and i saw a dead rabbit. he was mostly dead. like, fresh blood still lying around (usually dries up by the time you see one).

It's been a good day.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Great Physical Humor

Guys love this. Most girls do not. It boggles the mind as to why this is.

If you're a guy, click the link above. enjoy.

If you're a girl, you can still watch, and feel pity for him.



thinks some people are too addicted to facebook and twitter.

How can you tell? See how many statuses are on one's page. Also, they're notification beggars. These people are also likely to be lazy, have fancy phones, and post pictures of whatever they happen to be doing at that moment.

And, sadly, i set this up to also become a note on facebook. dammit.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

how to succeed pt 2

6. counting is incredibly important for success. practice every day, the same way you would do push-ups every day. start from 1. or 0. 0 works too.

7. always be really extreme in emotion. being either really high or really low gets you noticed. on that note, be either really introverted or extroverted.

8. if you live in england, get a bust of yourself. nothing says "i am fully capable of being awesome" than a proper bust.

9. be controversial. throwing shoes at your boss is a good way to start. then explain the analogy between the boss (stupidity), the shoe (hard objects), you (successful person), and the throwing (this is how i deal with stupidity).

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

how to succeed

step 1: have a twisted idea of humbleness in your head. for example, someone would say "hey, thats a good blog you have" or "i liked your story", at which i would respond: "I can't write"

step 2: don't use smilies. ever. the proper use of the english language eliminates the need for them, and would you really ever use smilies in a professional document? no.

step 3: be as formal and brief as possible. example: it is someone's birthday today. you put up a simple white sheet of paper and type in 42 size font: Today is your birthday. Don't forget the comma, as it is totally appropriate to the situation. it's not like they cured cancer or anything.

step 4: always wear the same thing, everyday, if you are male. if you are female, wear anything that makes you look like a 24 year old model.

step 5: learn really big words, especially concerning literary or media criticism. then you can be like "that book was bad" or "that movie was terrible"

more steps to come.

Monday, February 16, 2009

spring preview day

was awesome. mostly because of sweet roommates.

yeah, we watched a pirated version of futurama (the last possible movie?) and drank 1.8 liters (64 oz for you conformists) big gulps from the ampm. that's half a gallon, or more accurately, still 1.8 liters, which is one kilo, which is about 4 lbs which i managed to consume in 2 hours. that was a long bathroom break. but yeah. went to bed at 3:30.

also, i have no idea what they were competing for, but apparently it involves a repeat option and "dream weaver" covered by the steve miller band. most infuriating thing ever, especially when the noise dies down and you're trying to sleep. but whatever.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Whether I enjoy snow

it appears that I love snow.
1. Snow is water. as it is in my nature to love water, i should love water.
2. Snow is like sand, and can be used in similar ways. as it is in my nature to love sand as well, i should love snow.
3. snow is used for snowboarding, which is similar to surfing. as it is in my nature to love speed and surfing, and snowboarding lacks any sort of excessive work to begin, i should especially love snowboarding.

On the contrary: Snow is in the mountains. And in order for snow to form in the mountains, it must be either be in a higher latitude (far), or in a higher altitude (cold).

I reply that: Although snow is a most wonderful thing to those who enjoy it, I find it highly difficult to love snow. Snow is hard. Snow often acccompanies ice. Snow also tends to find its way into my hands, feet, and other extremities, and occasionally my torso area, although this is the cause of so-called friends, and not the fault of the snow. Also, i lack proper clothing to enjoy snow.

Response to 1: snow is, may i remind you, fresh water at a temperature at or less than 0 degrees Celsius (yes, i use the metric system). which means, its really cold. plus, when it gets near a warm object, such as me, it prefers to melt. which also means it turns back into water. but this water is not at the temperature of the object of which it is near.
Response to 2: Although snow can be used like sand, sand is much better. Sand can be mixed with various amounts of water to achieve a desired composition, while as snow can only be packed, and should it be overpacked, one must start over.
Response to 3: Snowboarding is for lazy bastards who can't generate the muscle required to walk up the stupid mountain. And snow hurts way more than water.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

funniest spam ever

found this on another site:

Gandlof russia
September 23rd, 2008 01:01

my name is gandolf i have same name as lord of rings can you help me please im looking to breed more gremlins type animals my mum wont let me breed no more like little cat animals i from russia can i send you a picture of my little animal i breed i have 5 so far goodgbye gandolf_russia


Wednesday, February 4, 2009


i live in an area that has somehow managed to remain mostly illegal immigrant free. so....

white people are everywhere. literally. its...unusual.

plus, asians are a minority in my area. but we're the biggest minority.

there are more females than males in my area. woot!


mom thinks its very likely i'll marry a white girl. which wouldn't bother me. at all. if i marry. which i would prefer not to. because i'm lazy. and i'd rather just have adopt a boy. when i'm, like, 24. because...that would be cool...

do i sound like this? please tell me i don't...