thanks to you people

we now know/have these pointless things:

Paul Somers and Dale Goodrich (1937)
Following long discussion, together coined phrase "F*** you," after neighbor repeatedly asked them to turn down Benny Goodman on the phonograph.

Lucille Eck (1979)
Briefly posted sign outside Mennonite meetinghouse to ward off nosy tourists. "Wherefore Thy Fascination?" later abbreviated to "WTF?"

Martin Cooper (1973)
Invented excuse "Sorry, I'm losing reception" during one of first cell-phone calls when his friend started telling him a dream involving Teddy Roosevelt and his ex-wife making waffles together.

Dave Weathersby (1958)
Encouraged girlfriend to tie sweater around her waist to hide her "big ass."

Stuart Freyer (1933)
After getting stuck in his squat beneath 295-pound barbell at Atlas's World of Iron, invented phrase "Li'l help?"

Chester Pence (1871)
Came up with idea of simultaneously putting index finger and pinkie behind person's head in photo so it looked like he had devil horns.

Jasper Jacoby (1863)
Conceived of "gotcha nose" trick during a rainy night with his nephew. Villagers were so frightened by his illusion, they taped teacups over their noses so they wouldn't get stolen while they were asleep.

Ryan Wendel (1862)
First person to design complete ransom note by cutting individual letters out of assorted newspapers and his sister's Emily Brontë novel, then gluing them onto sheet of parchment. (Note: Wendel was really self-conscious about his handwriting.)

Archibald Gips Jr. (1730)
Discovered ear could not only be used to hear things but as shelf to hold quill pens, twigs, and sticks of butter.

Samuel Mansfield (1625)
First to use catchphrase from popular entertainment, greeting friends with line "If an oily palm be not a fruitful prognostication, I cannot scratch mine ear!" (Antony and Cleopatra, Act I)

Thanks Esquire!